Why feeling “good” is not enough

As a counsellor, one of my personal trigger points is when I ask my kids how they are feeling and they respond with, “Good.” My reaction is often said in jest: “Good is not a feeling!” My husband, however, insists that it is. So, I decided to gather some evidence to defend my case.

Biblically, the first use of the English word good appears in Genesis 1:4, where it describes the light God had created. The Hebrew word used is tov (טוב). It doesn’t simply mean “morally good”; it carries a much deeper and broader meaning. To fully grasp the richness of tov, you need to see it within the whole sweep of the biblical story, where God’s goodness unfolds.

Tov describes something that is good and beneficial, pleasant and beautiful, fitting and appropriate. It refers to something working as intended—life-giving and flourishing. In essence, the word points to something functioning in harmony with God’s design.

So what is the problem with describing how we feel with the word ‘good’ you ask?

On the surface, nothing at all. “Good” is a perfectly acceptable word. It communicates that things are generally okay, that we’re not in distress, that life is functioning as it should. In that sense, it even echoes the richness of tov—a sense of things being as they ought to be.

The difficulty, however, is that “good” is not a feeling word; it is an evaluation. It tells us how things are going, not what is happening inside us. When we say “I feel good,” we bypass the more precise language of emotion—joyful, content, relieved, grateful, excited, peaceful.

“Good” flattens the landscape of our inner world into a single, convenient summary.

For children especially, defaulting to “good” can signal a limited emotional vocabulary. If we want them to grow in emotional awareness and resilience, we need to help them name what they are actually experiencing. Are they proud? Calm? Disappointed? Hopeful? Nervous but coping?

When we move beyond “good,” we move toward connection. Naming feelings gives shape to experience. It builds self-understanding. And perhaps most importantly, it invites deeper conversation.

So maybe my children are right—“good” does describe something real. But I still reserve the right, as a counsellor and a mum, to ask, “What kind of good?”

Meet the author Nada Appleby

Hi, I'm Nada. I love working with individuals across the life span helping them to safely explore their inner worlds so as to connect with God more fully and get to know the gifts and strengths he has given them in service to others. I try to bring into every session a glimpse of the compassion, love and acceptance that God has so freely given me. Visit Nada's page to learn more.